Mantra

I have a new mantra - 'I AM STRONG, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM SMART'. I started saying it to myself like a zillion times yesterday. And I think it's working because I might actually start to believe one or two of those eventually. The thing is that I think my mantra - if it works - will get me into lots of trouble.

For instance, last night I told Dennis that when his mom dies I think it would be good (actually I said 'A GREAT IDEA!!!!" for us to move to Texas so "we" can be near "our" grandchildren. Of course he's always told me he would never ever move to Texas, so it was complete bravery that made me say that that was such a good idea! The thing is that if you have a dream about what your future should/would be, then suddenly one day you wake up and realize you are living someone else's dream, that is disturbing. Then you will try to urge the other person into believing that your dream is the one they should be living - not their own. Basically ends up being one person's decision to make their dream the same as the person they love's dream.

So even though I ended my evening feeling somewhat defeated, I am strong and I know it. Maybe not too smart for bringing up wanting to move again, but smart enough to realize what was taking place during the entire conversation with Dennis. In one sentence he would say "what about Stephanie, she would have no one here, no family around her or anything if I was gone". However, I have no one here and that's okay?

Oh well going off on a tangent just making sure I don't collect a bunch of cortisol today :).

Anyway also think the mantra will work. Eventually......